Where do limiting beliefs come from? While many therapists, psychologists, and theorists might ponder, it comes from our childhood, It comes from being compared to others, it comes from “Johnny scored a home run, why didn’t you?” It comes from “she got the lead?!!!”
Throughout my practice, when I pose the preverbal question “Tell me about yourself?” 9 out of 10 times throughout the conversation I hear the following statements:
“I want to go for this job but don’t feel I am qualified”
“I know I can be good at this but I don’t know”
“I feel that I am stuck and can’t reach my goals and aspirations”
Limiting beliefs have a lot to do with the stories we tell ourselves and others.
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When I bring up the concept that those statements are made with limiting beliefs, a light bulb goes off and my clients want to know more.
It comes from labels that were put on us at a young age when our well-meaning parents and teachers used adjectives such as he’s shy, he’s loud, she’s mean, she’s a trouble maker which becomes our core beliefs.
When I use the “TA-DA” list to excavate my client’s background, inevitably we begin to find the bolder that has stopped us from achieving our deepest goals and aspirations. Fear is another factor whereby only awareness is the catalyst for the recovery of the deepest wounds we all carry.
Until the bandaid is ripped off, and the sting eases can we begin to tap into who we truly are and who we are truly meant to become.
I remember a time recently when I held a workshop at an amazing adult camp in Upstate New York. The title of the workshop was “How To Shift Your Shit” lose the Bull and Gain the Fulfillment of Your Life.”
I got a feeling that the only question of each person who attended was: “Who Are You?”.
Like an onion peal one young, beautiful and accomplished young woman answered, “ I just graduated from Cornell with a degree in Bioengineering.”
Again I questioned, “Who Are You?”. She again with confidence answered, “I am a girlfriend, a daughter, a great friend, a wonderful roommate…”
Again I dug deeper and asked, “ Who are you?”. This time instead of the answers of accomplishments, tears started streaming down her beautiful face to reveal, “ I don’t know who I am”.
From that moment, the Chasm to her beliefs was open and peeled back with someone who spent her whole life believing in her accomplishments but not the biggest one…Herself.
Once she understood that all true accomplishments come first from loving ourselves, parenting ourselves, and owning all the parts that make us who we are. In that sense, our limiting beliefs appear in the back mirror so that the road ahead becomes vast, open, and exciting. Upon remembering your childhood, facing your truth becomes a kaleidoscope of wonderment and beauty.
When we sit in our limiting beliefs it is like you are driving in the slow lane on 1-95 trying to get to your destination. You can see the fast lane and know that is what will get you to your destination or carer but the limiting beliefs keep you in the slow lane.
To move over and free yourself from fear and your limiting beliefs, and move over to the lane that will get you to where you want to go, you need to go back to a time when you got lost in your room or outside where joy, passion, freedom resided and you got lost in time before your mom called you for dinner.